Who Needs to Change?
There is a saying that: “Whilst man proposes, God disposes.” This just tells us that while we make our own plans, God is making His plans too! No matter how much we plan, life is never that predictable. It is in those times that we need to apply the powers of patience, tolerance, accommodation and the power to face. For if we don’t, it is we who will lose out.
“Whilst man proposes, God disposes.”
We may think we have life all figured out for the next fifty years. But things don’t always go the way we want them to, even if we have the best of intentions. And many times, all kinds of things can go wrong. We may find that suddenly we are without money due to bad decision making. The children are growing up and don’t listen to us anymore. The husband has issues at work and takes it out on the family at home. The boss’s attention is drawn elsewhere and you are no longer the centre of everything! You may feel isolated and rejected too. And if that was not enough perhaps the air conditioner breaks down, or you just discover you have a leaky roof, and the dog has just chewed through your best pair of slippers! All these are life concerns and we need the powers to deal with them.
That’s the key, to stay and deal with them. Not to run from the issues. These problems are just like a shadow, the faster we run away from the shadow, it just sticks to us all the more. We must know by now that we can never outrun our shadow, any more than we can outrun ourselves!
Yet, the first thing people think of doing when they are not able to get along with other people is to step away. They seek to change the place or the relationship. But, they actually seldom think about changing themselves! So hey, slow down a bit and just think. If you are there in that relationship then 50% of that problem is likely to be yours. And also remember that you are taking that 50% with you wherever you go!! Are you not? Would it not be wiser to try and change that 50% here and now? Then through that change in yourself perhaps the whole relationship might change altogether.
One of the first spiritual lessons that we learn is that nothing changes by moving from your place, but everything changes when you make those internal changes. It is a hard truth to swallow sometimes because the ego just doesn’t want to die, but if you could stop and become aware of all your options, you may well become empowered by choosing the option to stay and change. But only seek to change yourself!
Don’t waste your time trying to change others. It simply doesn’t work! If you are waiting for them to change, you will be waiting forever. It has been tried and tested by many a soul! Change yourself and the way you think, feel and behave with them and toward them. Create your positive boundaries. Stop your expectations. Try to see the relationship in a new light and not through the old lens of how things used to be. See the good virtues and qualities in the other, this is the best formula for making positive changes in life.
At the same time, you continue to build your self-respect. Speak less, don’t interfere much in their business, no need to try and teach or correct; let each one learn what they need to in their own way at their own time. Support them with your love and good wishes, you do not need to fix them or their problems. Be kind with your thoughts, even if you chose not to speak with them. Wish everyone well on their journey. We never truly know what is going on inside each one’s heart and mind, they may well be fighting their own battles.
Of course if it’s a case of abuse or torture then run as fast as you can and don’t look back. But if it is something non-physical, then weigh it up – would it be better to stay or go. Can you see a pattern here? Trust your instinct after sitting in meditation. Ask God for guidance and to show you the best way out.
“When I change, the world changes.”
To change places is easy but it is not as rewarding as changing the self. When I change myself, then I can be self-assured that I can be anywhere and I will survive and thrive. I will not live with the fear of having to avoid those difficult people, places or problems. I really do not want to keep manifesting the same problem over and over again at a different time, a different place or with different people, because it will still be the same old me!!
This is why if you want to be a powerful soul, then it is so important to face your own stuff and to own it, and not run from it. Anyway, many of our demons are just like paper tigers once we have the courage to face them!
It’s Time… to remember that we have the power to change ourselves. It is our own fears in the mind that make these demons appear larger and more threatening than they really are!
© ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK