When the Honeymoon is Over

When the Honeymoon is Over

honeymoon3 flickr
‘Honeymoon’ is a term that most often relates to the intimate time spent together by couples in their early days of marriage. However, as sweet as this first month (or year) of marriage may be, why is it that, like the moon, it begins to wane after a short period of time?

It is unfortunate that almost all kinds of relationships go through their cycle of golden, silver and copper stages. During the golden era, we trust, and open all the doors of our heart to the one we love. If for any reason the relationship declines, those doors begin to close, one by one, until one stands alone again and not as two. Some partnerships can withstand many ups and downs if the relationship has a solid basis of love and respect, but nowadays some are just not prepared to ride the storms. So how can we keep the relationship from tarnishing?

In order for relationships to work, the spice of life most needed is spirituality and not sexuality! Over several decades of experience with counselling people, I can truly say that when one begins to adhere to spiritual values in a relationship and begins to respect oneself and the other, only then can any relationship stand its ground and provide a platform for true companionship and the growth of real love.

honeymoon2

Love, and not lust is the key. The dynamics involved in a relationship where lust is a primary factor are very different and can begin to untwine the ‘knot’. Attachment, possessiveness, jealousy, greed and so many other negative traits can make things go sour.

Spirituality means to turn the vision inwards and not outwards. The first major mistake we make as soon as the initial gloss wears off in any relationship, whether at work or at home, is to start seeing the others’ flaws. We put the other under a magnifying glass and begin to point out each and every defect that we feel needs fixing in them. Turning my vision inwards means to look at my own weaknesses with self-respect and acceptance, and to begin seeing where it is that I need to change. As I become more accepting of others, that in turn brings out the best in them. Judgment simply closes people up.

‘Familiarity breeds contempt’ is one of those famous truths. As soon as two people get too close to each other, they feel they have a right over the other, and begin dictating to them. Respect is lost, sometimes to the point of making jokes about them and generally disrespecting them in front of others. This is not good fodder for any relationship.

Honeymoon

Sadly, many people enter marriage or a relationship because they feel they need ‘the other half’ in order to be complete. They expect their partner to meet their needs and fill a void in their lives. But imagine if both are needy, who will give to whom? The best recipe for a successful partnership is when two people who are already self-empowered come together in equality and respect. Then their relationship will be one of giving and receiving, rather than wanting, expecting, and becoming disappointed with the other.

If and when the honeymoon ends, it’s because we wake up to the fact that the person we married is not the idealized image of perfection that we were hoping for, but a real person with qualities and weaknesses, good and bad – just like us! And at that moment it’s good to check whether it is they who have changed, or I who has changed my vision and expectations of them.

Ironically, it’s when this gloss wears off, and the stars have fallen from our eyes and we see the other as they really are, that we can really begin to love, and create a true ideal relationship.

The honeymoon ends because the intoxication of this phase comes naturally to an end, however we can keep the love flowing by holding the beautiful, worthy vision we had of them in the first place. And in this way we can keep the honeymoon sweet, lasting and evergreen!

It’s Time… to realise that we can keep the honeymoon evergreen by keeping the love flowing. With self-respect and a positive vision, all of our relationships can stay fresh and sweet!

Share these thoughts! ‘It’s Time…’ is spreading far and wide! Feel free to forward this wisdom, but to avoid any karmic rebound, please acknowledge its source – ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London

 

 

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5 Responses to “When the Honeymoon is Over”

  • AVDHESH PRATAP SINGH

    It’s an excellent write up on enduring relationships. So long as we realise that every individual is different and we appreciate and respect these differences, relationship remain a Honey Moon. In fact it’s I who can change if I decide to do so by practicing RAJYOGA. We should not expect the other person to change as per our wishes. Thanks a lot Aruna.
    A P Singh

    Reply
  • Insightful article as usual, thanks Aruna. Sometimes the relationship matures and become deeper over time.

    Reply

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