We Are All Liars
(New – Listen to the Audio Version)
(Music by Deuter – Sea and Silence)
We all do it, and we do it about once every ten minutes. Can you guess what that is? We tell lies! Think of the dozens of times you lie to yourself and others in order to just handle your relationships and to keep up your daily motivation. And if you think you don’t do it, think again, you are probably lying to yourself!
According to a 2002 study conducted in the University of Massachusetts about 60% of adults cannot have a ten-minute conversation without lying at least once.
What we know for sure is that behind every lie is a story. For example, the story of the boy who lied about stealing money and who later ‘owned up to the truth’. He confessed that he was stealing because he wanted to buy medicine for his sick mother. In this case, is lying justified – is lying ever justified?
Yes, there may be times when a white lie is justified, or we need to be economical with the truth because it will save someone’s pain or hurt. We may even need to lie to save a life… however we shouldn’t employ it as a tactic just to save our embarrassment or justify our mistakes.
Most mortals would confess they are lying simply to keep the peace. For example, telling a friend that is waiting for you that you will be there very soon, when you haven’t even left home yet. Telling your wife: “Yes, honey, you look perfect in those jeans!” (When you think she looks perfectly fat!) To your kids, “Come on: you can be an A student!” (When you feel he doesn’t have a chance!) To a colleague, “I am only telling this to you; no-one else!” (Until you go and tell another!). We lie to lawyers, to surveyors, to insurance companies, just about anyone if it is to our advantage. These are ‘proportionate’ lies!
According to psychiatrist Dr Cosmo Hallstrom, incessant lying can be a sign of a deep-seated personality disorder. You may not be such an extreme case, but be careful. Some people begin to convince themselves of their own lies, such that they lose track of their untruths and distort their own reality. They live in a false existence by inflating a fantasy bubble. And this can easily pop once one of the lies is revealed. And we all know that one lie is enough to question all truth.
Lying has become such an accepted state of being that we lie almost unconsciously. And because we don’t even realise we are doing it, we do not feel guilt or remorse, nor the need to change it.
We lie because we care and we fear, and these are the two major reasons for lying. Caring is loving, and love creates the most fear. In an attempt to not hurt the feelings of the other we dip into falsehood every now and again.
We lie out of fear for many reasons. Fear is a mechanism that we employ to preserve our ego. We may lie to a figure of authority in fear of being punished; for example, a child may lie to his parents, or an employee to his boss. We fear losing a person, or the job, and so we lie in order to hold on even more tightly. We fear change or upheaval so we lie to keep the status quo!
As we lie, we create a deep web of negative karma for ourselves, and an intense flow of waste thoughts. And as we know, one lie only leads to another as we try to cover up the other lie. This flow gets harder and harder to control as time goes on.
We can be honest, and we can also be tactful and silent at the same time. Honesty need not be hurtful. Gauge the situation and weigh up your words – are you being honest or hurtful?
If we are to create an age of truth, we need to live a life of truth. To be as honest with ourselves and with others as possible. When we are untrue, we are not creating habits of truth. We are going against the grain of the nature of the soul – which is truth, a true being, a pure being.
As you stay more in your spiritual power and in your self-respect, you will have very little need to lie or practice falsehood. In the way that a confident person will be OK to admit breaking someone’s teacup, because they know that the situation can be resolved. There will be the realization over time that honesty really is the best policy.
And finally, what if you know you are being lied to – what do you do? Again the path of meditation teaches me that I need to stay calm and hold onto my inner peace and happiness. Behind every lie is a story, let me stay curious rather than judgmental. If that one tells lies, it is their karma. How I respond is mine!
The role of confessions is an interesting one. As we confess our lies to The ONE, a deep cleansing takes place in the soul. We become light and carefree. We no longer need to hide under the cloak of our mistakes. God sees the truth all the time.
It’s time… to be honest but with tact and self-respect!
© It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK