It’s Time to Stop Playing Dominoes
Article Contributed by Guest Writer (Anon.)
In life how many games do you find yourself playing? Our relationships can become very complicated once we start to play the expectations game. Then you will find that outcomes will always be ones of dis-appointment. This is because we often confuse attachment with love. These are two completely different energies.
You know how you feel in the presence of someone who truly loves you: when they are giving you their attention and unconditional love. Then you know it. Equally you know when that person has feelings of attachment and expectation. When there is love, then you feel that love and personal space, a sort of freedom and ‘letting be’. If there is attachment, then you feel that also. The feeling is completely different – one of suffocation and pressure. The trick is to practice the love and be vigilant towards those old emotions and triggers for attachment.
Keeping the balance in life can be a case of fine-tuning the ‘self’ to make sure that you come from that place of neutrality. Making sure that you do not become too attached, and do not to become too detached. This balance can be tricky to maintain sometimes.
We often fail to realize that we are adding a burden to an already fraught relationship because of our attachments and expectations. The decisions we make and the consequences of those choices really show us where we are coming from. If everyone in your world is happy with you, then the chances are you are getting the balance right in being neutral, accepting and loving.
Neutrality and balance are better words to describe detachment rather than attachment. People often feel that the word detachment implies that we are distant in our relationships and that our personalities are cold and uncaring. But, it would be better to understand detachment as a place from where our emotions are not active. Where we are actually emotionally stable and loving.
And within this balance it means that we can express both love and compassion. In fact balance enables these qualities to be naturally present in our relationships. When we are attached we are not able to see what is the ‘the best thing’ for the other person, and that sometimes we are really the one in the way of them finding their own solutions.
We are hindering and not helping, we are adding extra heaviness and complications to their problems. This is especially true in the case of parents and children. Because of our up-set-ness about what challenges our children are facing, we create an energetic disturbance. We are actually adding further negative energy to our children’s existing problems through our thinking, emotions and vibrations… without even realizing it!! We think that worrying is ok and we normalize this habit of thinking.
Our worry creates a domino effect in our relationships where one thing leads to another. Before you know it we have set in motion a whole sequence of events, which start to spiral out of control simply because of our attachment and expectations.
When we are emotional, it simply means that the energy of our mind is in motion. An anxious mind moves very fast, just like a car out of control, and both can be dangerous things. When this energy is moving in the direction of negativity as opposed to positivity, it will inevitably take its toll on our relationships. These become strained and difficult, because we are not channeling our energy in a way that is helpful and beneficial to everyone.
We really have to sort out our thoughts and feelings to be able to help our own self, or anyone else. We have to get our ego and emotions out of the way so that we can truly practice love and compassion in an easy and natural way. Because after all love and compassion are our natural qualities.
To truly care for others we have to keep our emotions in check and not to be ruled by them. This is not to confuse the core qualities of the soul like love and kindness – which are stable states of being- with the imbalance that our emotions create.
When we understand that every soul has their personal journey, and we are also on our own journey, then we can see that the best way to help and support someone is to pay attention to our own emotions, and not get our sense of ‘self’ mixed up with another. We can be there for others, but we are not them, and they are not us. We are together as a family and in our friendships, but we are ultimately all separate individuals.
We can help others by staying in our own space, being grounded in our awareness of our own ‘self’ and not allowing the ‘self’ to get caught up in other people and their affairs. When we are being affected by what is happening to them whilst they are on their journey, this is when we have lost the plot. It is their journey, they wrote the script for their life according to their pen of actions on the paper of life, just as we did for our own ‘self’.
It’s Time… to stop playing dominoes. Time to let others just be. It is time to let go and let God be our Guide. Work with the power of acceptance and then the love and compassion will naturally flow from our hearts towards others as we come from a place of balance.
© ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK