Good Manners Are Worth Having

Good Manners Are Worth Having

“Good manners will open doors that the best education will not.”

Clarence Thomas

There was a time when manners were taught at school. How to be; sit; speak and so on. Politeness and good manners were a standard norm, this was a way we showed respect for one another. It seems with so called freedoms and liberties, manners have gone out the window.

Nowadays there is an immense amount of cyber bullying and trolling, where the culprit can remain anonymous and stay hidden, whilst the victim is left vulnerable and defenceless and open to more of the same. There seems to be no accountability for the actions of the troublemakers. I wonder, would you speak to people like that if they were literally in front of you and you had to face the consequences of your actions. Perhaps not. What gives us the permission to behave so badly “on site” simply because we can hide in the shadows? Ego and jealousy will not allow someone to see the success of another. This is often due to a lack of self-worth and esteem.

Let’s get back to good manners. Yes, there are those typical manners of not slurping soup; and not interrupting others; speaking softly and not shouting; not pushing in and having a general bonhomie. However, there is another layer of manners, we could call these spiritual good manners, where the soul operates from a place of conscience and treats others how they would like to be treated. In other words, if we don’t want to receive anything negative or abusive, then to be very mindful not to dish it out too freely to others. What happened to brotherly good will and good wishes and pure feelings? If speaking badly to a person is unmannerly, then thinking badly must also be.

Let’s change the formula of our thinking – by applying more virtues into our life:

Sweetness
Not only politeness is important, but so is sweetness. Being considerate, generous, and caring toward others, having a warmth and affectionate nature is truly mannerly. Small gestures of appreciation are … well … appreciated! Sweetness brings pleasure to the tongue, the ear and the heart!

Generosity
Let me be generous with my thoughts. Let me give the benefit of the doubt. Let me forgive and let go. These are good manners within the soul. Not only do I give respect to the other, but also to myself, as I do not pollute my mind and heart with waste and negative thoughts and ill feelings about others. Generosity is not just about giving physically and literally, but spiritually it is an outpouring of love and compassion, even when I feel the other may not be deserving of it, yet I still give out good, that is generosity on my part whilst maintaining my wisdom.

There is a scene in the epic story of the Mahabharat when Bhishmapitamay (the Godfather), stops to tell Shakuni (the wicked uncle), that when the elephant stops for the ant to pass, that is not his weakness, but his greatness! Implying that Bhishma is the elephant and Shakuni the ant. Bhishma was forgiving each and every time Shakuni tested him. Like with everything in life there needs to be a balance of love and law, but because there was not, Shakuni took advantage of his kindness, and the result was the great Mahabharat war.

“The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.”

Fred Astaire

Humility and Grace
Humility is graceful. Grace is also an exceptionally good manner by the way, a great quality to have in one’s repertoire. It’s not about thinking less of myself, but about thinking of myself less. Humility is the honey that people are drawn to. It enables them to win friends, love, support, co-operation and much more. Humility is a gentle quality; it’s a fragrance, as opposed to the stench of arrogance. I know my true worth without needing to prove it to anyone. There is a subtle confidence.

Mindful and Aware
It’s about being thoughtful and having foresight. Being aware of where I take off my shoes so as to not create an obstacle for others. Holding that door open for the other person to come through. Being mindful that others have not eaten and so let me not take all the pizza, pasta, pecan pie and pudding! Aware of including others in the conversation so no one feels left out. Being kind and speaking with respect to everyone, all the time. Practiced good manners become my way of life.

Being Present and Attentive
How many of us truly speaking are present and attentive? How much am I really mindfully present in my interactions and conversations with other people? Maybe I am only half listening, but really preparing my next question, response, my item on the agenda and what I will do next when the meeting has finished?

Perhaps, we are victims of our own wandering minds. Unfortunately, we have lost the art of being able to listen with focused attention for more than a few minutes. That is why meditation is a good practice, to help us extend our attention span.

We need to re-learn the art of slowing down in life. There is no need to be rushing around like a headless chicken! Where are we rushing to anyway? We just increase our stress levels and watch our blood pressure sky rocket … mostly over small issues.