Don’t Let Jealousy Hijack Your Life
The feeling of jealousy doesn’t just come in one shape and size but in a myriad of different forms, colours and textures. It does not manifest as just one feeling, but depending on moods and levels of self-esteem it will appear in a number of different guises: Anger, resentment, emptiness, frustration, disgust, and more.
The Greek word ‘zelos’ comes from a root word meaning ‘to boil, ferment or yeast’. The words ‘zeal’ and ‘jealousy’ derive from this, and these words dramatically describe the intense nature of jealousy. It’s almost as if, when jealousy is raging within us, we are on a mission to prove the other wrong, or assert ourselves as the holiest, mightiest or fairest of them all!
Mostly the root of jealousy is a kind of fear, stemming from a lack of self-respect and a lack of a sense of worth or appreciation of one’s own life. It is when we do not feel complete or fulfilled within ourselves that we start to compare ourselves with others. We develop a passion or zealousness for making our point, or trying to prove ourselves. If we were content and satisfied within, we would be secure in the feelings of the eternal self. But no. Jealousy doesn’t like that.
Jealousy is an indication of a deep
separation from our innate self.
Jealousy is an indication of a deep separation from our innate self. As we begin to value ourselves against the things and people around us we feel ourselves to be inadequate, and a sense of lack, emptiness and the ‘not good-enough’ syndrome kicks in. Others seem to have what we don’t, which creates within us a feeling of discomfort and insecurity. In an attempt to mask our own seeming inadequacies and fare better in the eyes of others, we play games and tricks. However, the futile attempts on the part of the ego to prove ourselves better than others only leaves us with an even bigger gaping hole to fill.
A different point of view suggests that jealousy can be positive because it shows you care. However, I disagree. Anything that makes you feel a lack and a low, cannot be a positive emotion. Do not fool yourself into thinking it’s a healthy emotion and that its ok to nurture it. It will only weaken you and your relationships.
At times, we may have heaped jealousy on others, consciously or unconsciously, and at other times, others may have served it up to us. Needless to say, jealousy is not a positive thing; it’s not at all liberating and can be more destructive than creative. It makes us produce a number of waste thoughts about life in general and about others. It’s a never-ending spiral making us restless and anxious. It can be destructive and damaging to our relationships. There is no end to jealousy – but we can neutralize it when we begin to develop a sincere appreciation for the self. As our sense of real self-appreciation increases, then the mechanism of jealousy becomes redundant.
We are all unique and we all have
something special to offer to the world.
The one who is jealous is forever looking at their half-empty glass, and has no appreciation for what they do have, whether internally in the form of divine qualities or externally in the form of abilities. However, through meditation and deep self-reflection I am able to affirm my uniqueness and original identity of being true and pure. Once I am steadfast in that belief, and I know myself, there is absolutely no reason to be jealous. Until then I will have to keep facing Shakespeare’s green-eyed monster of envy.
We can almost become paranoid with jealous feelings by creating something when it’s not there. This is where truly meditation comes in handy. Because as I manage my thoughts, have high thinking, and create positive and empowering thoughts I am able to safeguard myself from being caught in the trap of jealousy.
In order to cultivate good relationships, a healthy sense of detachment is an important factor. Learning the difference between love and attachment will enhance our authentic experience of love and friendship, and lessen the likelihood of the green-eyed monster raising its head. Attachment causes possessiveness, fear and jealousy which will ultimately destroy the very thing you are seeking. A sense of security within the self, however, will reflect positively on a relationship and allow it to blossom.
Some of the antidotes to jealousy are confidence, calmness, trust, kindness, compassion, valuing others and valuing the self. We are all unique and we all have something special to offer to the world.
It’s time… to learn to move our focus from what we don’t have, and appreciate and cultivate our better and higher nature, and begin to see others in that same light, then we let peace, joy and satisfaction into our lives and banish the green monster forever.
© ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK