We are in seventh heaven during a honeymoon. It is a time of excitement, passion, when everything is new and intoxicating. It usually refers to a new marriage, but these days can equally apply to the start of a new relationship, a relocation to another city or country, or an exciting new job or business venture.
Even politicians and presidents have their honeymoon periods during which they can go from saviours to subjects of ridicule in a few short years!
So what happens when that initial joy, excitement and enthusiasm peters out? When the soda losses its fizz and the pop goes flat? How do we deal with our disappointment, or more importantly could we work to make sure that the honeymoon never ends?
‘Honeymoon’ refers to the ‘month of honey’, traditionally thought to be the sweetest time in a marriage. After that the feelings of elation can begin to wane. It has been estimated that the honeymoon period of a marriage is two years. Of course this is nature’s trick to make us commit to a partnership, but when the initial thrill ends, we may well be left with a choice to break it, or to make it work.
It’s very often easy to begin something new as we ride on the waves of newly found enthusiasm and are captivated by the novelty of a new personality, property or passion. We set off with feelings of hope and expectation that we are entering a new and better phase in our lives. We imagine that this new person/job/lifestyle will provide us with all that we have been missing. However, if we project all of our hopes and wishes onto the object of our excitement we become blind to what we don’t wish to see. It is only some time later that the ‘reality’ of the situation reveals itself to us. We spot the flaws and weaknesses; we lose heart and perhaps even give up on our initial vision. We awaken from our dream, and life becomes ordinary again.
Of course many relationships continue to grow and mature over time, and this is an indication that romance or passion has evolved into something much deeper. Honeymoons end quickly when we stop infusing new energy, when we begin to take others for granted, or when we have expectations, or we try to control others.
A wise person will not wait for the rosy glow to wear off. They enjoy the happiness of the honeymoon period, and at the same time will know that to keep the relationship fresh it is necessary to continue to inject newness into it every day and at every moment. He or she will also realize that acceptance, tolerance, and respect are necessary components of this new phase in the relationship.
From golden beginnings, a relationship can begin to look like silver, still valuable and beautiful, but with a need to be polished constantly so it will not tarnish and lose its beauty. Without attention it will deteriorate further and become like iron, rusty, ugly and of no value.
If every day we are able to focus on what’s right rather than what’s wrong, the reason why we began our passion, why we fell in love with the person, then we can ensure the relationship will grow ever stronger.
Thus, the saying that ‘all good things must come to an end’, need not be so. Learning to really respect each other, give space to the other, love the other for their strengths and weaknesses, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in happiness or sorrow, for richer or poorer, is in fact the sign of real, true, deep and satisfying love that can only emerge when the honeymoon is over.
It’s time… to ‘live happily ever after’ by continually focusing on the good, highlighting strengths, and every day injecting new positive energy into your relationships and ventures. With a little maturity, wisdom and attention, the honey-moon need never wane!
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‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London