Spot the Bully

Spot the Bully

Image by Azmi Talib from Pixabay

“Hey… Watch it and back off!”

Bullying is not always obvious… perhaps it does not look like the school days when the bully would corner you after school and beat you up.  Why would the bully do that?  Was it just for the sake of beating you up and showing off his strength?  As adults we need to be mindful of when we are being bullied or when we are falling into that trap of bullying others.

Bullying is an abuse.  Let’s face it.  There is no grey area in this.

Sometimes when people shout at us, or undermine us, or tell us what to do, we don’t like to label it as abuse, but it is. One of the definitions of abuse is to treat another with disrespect, cruelty or violence.  When one does not respect the other that is just abuse plain and simple.

There are so many layers of abuse; physical; social; religious; financial; mental and emotional and a few more “to boot”.  These are forms of abuse many people experience on a daily basis, sadly we seem to get used to a lot of them.  We make it normal, but it might be important to look at how I am being treated and why, and also how I might be treating others.

“Bullies bully when they think they can get away with it.”

Bullies bully when they think they can get away with it.  The bully will always find the victim, it is like they have some subtle radar and can just hone in on the weak ones.  A bully will look out for the lamb, the underdog, the victim in the group. They will use them to vent out their frustrations or to show one-upmanship.  They will never pick on someone who has self confidence and inner self respect.  In actual fact the bully is weak and afraid, instead of uplifting others by making themselves strong through their virtues, they push down on others who are vulnerable.

Living in close intimate relationships with a bully can devastate your life.  Here are some of the red flags to be aware of that may trigger your anxiety, so learn to heed the warning signs. It could be happening to us, or we could be doing it to others also.

Creating Fear and Doubt

It can be a gradual process where you start to live in your mind from a place of fear and doubt.  You can no longer trust your own judgement.  You lose the ability to function and make any rational decisions, because as a result of a number of different experiences you have had, you have now created doubt in your own self and your mental abilities.  You have to realize that there is a “power play” at work to control you and make you feel guilty.  Often you do not even know what to feel guilty about, but you are certainly made to feel guilty about something. Try and detach from it.

Image by Azmi Talib from Pixabay

Critical Language

Watch out for comments aimed to demoralize and devalue you as a person. Does this person use abusive language designed to intimidate you and place you on the “backfoot”?  It could be the way someone speaks to you.  This can undermine you.  It could be in the form of disrespect; not listening; talking over others; shouting; use of tone and innuendoes; taking unsolicited control over others’ lives; it may manifest in many different ways that devalue and demean you as a person.  Watch out for this language and shield yourself from it.

A Permissions Only World

Do you find that you have to ask for permission for more or less everything? If someone is dictating whether you can do something or not, meet a friend or not, dress in a particular way or else… then you are in big trouble and you have lost your freedom.  Unless of course you are under age, and therefore in the care of a parent or guardian.  You have a right to make your own choices and live your life under your rules, providing that does not infringe upon the rights of other souls, which might itself become a bullying issue!  Take charge of your life.

Walking on Eggshells

Has your mind been influenced and infected to such a degree… that you are afraid of taking the next step. Have you become that timid child sitting in the corner of your house, or that little corner in your mind; unable to express or take initiative for fear of it being thrown back at you and being scolded?  Have you become paralysed and unable to make any decision at all? Stay in your self-respect and say what you need to.

Image by Azmi Talib from Pixabay


Gaslighting and manipulation, or should we call it emotional blackmail. Unfortunately, some people love to play mind games to create confusion, until you can come to doubt your own self and think you are going crazy!  People will do all kinds of things to put you down or at least keep you out of their way.  Keep courage, meditate, stay sane and hold onto your truth.

Everyone is a sovereign being.  We are polite and gentle beings and don’t wish to make our lives dramatic, but one should protect themselves against abuse. You may well ask: So then how can we protect ourselves from the bully?

The first thing you need to do is build up your self-respect.  If you are being bullied, it’s because you are allowing others to abuse you.  If they don’t respect you, it might be a good idea to check if you are dis-respecting yourself; your time and your things. How are your boundaries?  Do you have any and are they in place?

“Outsiders can see what is going one, but you yourself are in denial.”

If you are trapped in a co-dependant relationship you may have normalized this behaviour, and even given excuses to hide the bad behaviour of your partner.  This is why someone can find themselves trapped.  Outsiders can see what is going one, but you yourself are in denial. For a start you need to watch out for these symptoms within you of sadness; loneliness; anxiety and depression.  This is where you really need an honest friend to act as sounding board to “tell you as it is”.  Whether you are the victim or the bully, such behaviours have to stop.

“Its OK act to protect yourself!”

You have to learn to trust your intuition and your instincts, because the mind-programming can disable your self-protective mechanism. Trust your gut when you sense, feel and see the red flags.  Its OK act to protect yourself!

It’s Time… to free ourselves from all bullies in our life … and that includes learning to speak kindly to ourselves.


© ‘It’s Time…’  by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK

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BK Deborah Burmham

Such powerful wisdom and clear recommendations, Sister Aruna! Thank you for addressing such am important topic at this time when it is vital to empower ourselves with self-sovereignty.