Effective or Defective?
Transforming Defects Makes Us Effective
Absorbing Defects Makes Us Defective
Whatever we give our attention to, we will start to absorb that into our own patterns of thinking and behaviour. This is why it is important to focus only on the things that: “I need to change”. Everyone else is responsible for their own transformation and in some way or another they are working at their own pace.
Beware the ego-mirror of seeing only one’s own perfection and seeing all too clearly the defects of others. Of course we will always be coming out on top when we compare our virtues against the weaknesses of others.
“Judge not, that ye be not judged.” Matthew 7:1-3
This is a quote from the Bible. But what does it mean? That when we practice acceptance and understanding, we can make our mind free from looking for the negative in others.
We all have certain strengths and unfortunately as perfect as we might think we are, we all have our defects too. I have yet to see a Mr or Mrs Perfect! Remember, that in the dating world of ‘perfect partners’ Mr Perfect and Miss Perfect seldom end up together!
I myself am aware of, and have been working on my defects since I was a teenager. And I still am! I know that I am a work in progress as we all are.
Defective is not a nice word. When our computer is not operating to its maximum capacity and has picked up a virus, we just say that the system needs to be cleaned. We do not say the computer is defective, but the system somewhere or the other has picked up a bug. We are like that system with the bug, where our thinking has picked up a virus and we focus on the negatives in life.
Defective by definition means to not work well; for example to have defective brakes or defective eyesight. But to be a ‘defective person’ – well that’s another thing isn’t it. But doesn’t that apply to all of us. We are in some way not working as well as we should. Our minds are sometimes haywire, our attitudes can be judgemental, even our perceptions are not always right, which becomes the reason for a lot of waste and negative thoughts. Our self-respect is wacky and mostly ego orientated. And the list goes on. But most importantly, our defects give US a lot of pain and sorrow.
And in the world of modern technology we are encouraged to be oh so self-focused! Living in our perfect little selfie world, even though in reality we are far from being perfect!
When we see people with a physical disability, that’s obvious to the eye. But how about the hidden disabilities? These no one can see, but they are felt. Toxic thoughts, just like loving and compassionate thoughts certainly vibrate in the atmosphere. Nothing goes unnoticed. If we are feeling it, then so is the other person. If we are speaking it, then the other person is also catching it. None of our thoughts go unnoticed. Even if nothing is said, at a vibrational level we feel, both the positive and the negative. Even though we may not always be able to put our finger on the source of our feelings.
The defect begins actually in our thoughts… this is why it is so important to watch the quantity and quality of our thinking. This leads to a decision which leads to action, which shapes our personality and creates our destiny! So it is good to check our own mind, check for any virus and negative thinking patterns. We can see if the seed of thought is flawed by what the tree and fruits are like.
This is why on the spiritual path an emphasis is placed on being introspective. Knowing and understanding the root of our defectiveness takes us a step closer to being able to transform it. Most of our negative tendencies take birth in our childhood, and as we grow into adulthood then a few more beliefs and negative thinking patterns are acquired along the way.
For example: If as a child our sense was that food was always in shortage or there was not enough, then we will take as much as we can in our plate the first time. This sense of deprivation comes from a deep belief that there would not be enough for the second round. So, sometimes as an adult we will take more even though we may be unable to eat everything, just to ensure that we can have more if we need it. But the lack is not only about the food, but something deeper, perhaps love or attention; i.e. that we were not considered as the food was being handed out.
If we are bullied and teased a lot as a kid, then we will have that fear factor as an adult. We will feel the trigger as soon as someone says something to us that sounds anything like authoritarian. We will visibly shrink back into our shell and become self-conscious.
If we were not the teacher’s pet or the chosen one at school, we will feel that inferiority complex even as an adult. So if someone is trying to give us attention, we will doubt and question ‘why’ and if it is really genuine.
We also often over work, or distract ourselves to avoid looking at our defects. But sooner or later they come up, they come face to face with us and we get a chance to say goodbye to them once and for all. Let us not pretend that those defects and points of transformation are not there. The more we are open and honest with our self the sooner the illusion can be broken.
Another word for defect is a hole, gap or something missing. Whatever that is, we are forever trying to fill that hole from the outside in. A defect creates discomfort and discontentment. If I am not content with myself, I will forever be trying to fix my outer world to feel full inside. And this simply does not work.
When I try to make my outer world perfect, I have to remind myself again and again, that I am the one who has to become perfect first. It’s not an easy reminder each time, but it is the only way. We can have everything perfect around us, bright and shiny, clean and tidy, but if we are sad or angry, or down and depressed inside then what is the point of emphasising on the outer order in life. It is the inner tidiness that matters. In the same way we have to make our thoughts perfect from the inside.
The hole needs to become whole once again. A flaw or defect means something is missing. Actually what we would call a defect is just something that is not running on its original programme of positivity. The negative is the flip side of positive, like heads and tails of the same coin.
If the sculptor makes a beautiful clay idol, but has missed out the nose or one ear, then the idol is incomplete and it cannot be used in a temple for worship. In the same way, we may be great at many things, but just that one thing that is broken or missing can make us incomplete and imperfect – just like the idol.
Next time you find your defectiveness being activated, stay calm. Take a look as a detached observer and be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Recognize that it’s a trigger and you have to pass the test. It’s just an old pattern, it is not who you are in your true essence. You are a pure and perfect soul. See the lesson, and learn from the lesson, but do not become stuck in the lesson.
It’s Time… to give time and energy to renew and transform ourselves. We will become effective when we stop looking at defects.
© ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK