Don’t Let Your Emotional Wounds Define You

Don’t Let Your Emotional Wounds Define You

We have forgotten that we are all responsible for our own thoughts and feelings.  We are the only ones who live in our head, not others.  There is no other driver in the driving seat.  It’s only me: “I am the creator of my thoughts and feelings.”  Until we take ownership of our thoughts and feelings, we may in some way or another feel like a victim ‘in’ and ‘of’ the world.

We create pain and hurt for our own self inside our own head, especially when we think that someone is ‘doing’, or ‘not doing’ something deliberately and determinedly, simply because we expect them to act in a certain way.  Much of what we do is really unconscious, meaning that most of us do not realize how much we are being influenced by our past, other people and situations.  The biggest influencers of all can come from our own beliefs.  That warehouse full of old ideas, experiences and hurts stored away in our sub-conscious memory banks.  Those records there can become active at any time and start to play.

Photo by Zaksheuskaya:

Our old programming and belief systems can trap us in old thinking patterns for years.  We can lose friends, family and relationships as we become trapped in a vicious cycle.  This is why it is so important to pay attention to our mind.  We have to turn our mind back towards the positive and see the original nature of the self and other souls; that we are loving and peaceful beings.  This is a sign of compassion and the beginning of healing for all of us.

Within friendships, when we are in a good place, our friends can share somethings for our good and well-being, and that we call ‘advice’.  We will take their opinion or comment in a positive way – whatever they are saying.  And when we are not in a good place, then whatever they say, we will call it ‘criticism’.  What is the difference?  They may be saying the very same words today as yesterday, so what has changed?  We have changed.  Today, if we are not stable in our self-respect whatever they say will become a form of hurt for us. In fact, we hurt ourselves with their words.  But yesterday, we were in a much better place and they could have said anything and we would have been OK with it.

We have to stop blaming others
for how we are feeling.

We have the power to be the master of our own mind and our own feelings if we make that choice. We have to stop blaming others for how we are feeling.  On the path of self-empowerment we have to shift away from those old beliefs that someone else — “is responsible for my happiness”.  No, this is simply not true. This can be a tough one to let go of because we really want it to be true!  We may hold onto this belief for quite a long time, so that way we do not need to change anything in our life or do any work on ourselves.  But each one of us is responsible for our own happiness.  We have to accept that what we think about ourselves, and other people, their actions and also the past, it is we who create these thoughts and feelings in our own mind.  It is our view and our view only.

When we do not understand their viewpoint
we see them as being in the ‘wrong’.

Remember that we have the choice of what it is we want to think.  Let’s look at how we are speaking to our own self.  We have to learn how to stop hurting our self, to stop victimising our own self!  We all have a blind side, and we know that everyone is ‘right’ from their own perspective.  When we do not understand their viewpoint we see them as being in the ‘wrong’.  They are not wrong.  We just have not tapped into knowing what they are seeing from their perspective.

Photo by Steve Johnson:

When we focus on the negative we are setting ourselves up for pain and hurt.

The attitude of blame and distaste is such that once this state of mind is ‘set’ on the negative then whatever someone does we will always look for some ulterior motive, and misconstrue their intentions.  Then quite literally they can never ‘be or do anything right’, simply because our vision of them has become coloured with this negative attitude.  We will read more into things than are really there, and we will inflate those old insecurities and fears, then doubt and distrust will be the end product.  When we focus on the negative we are setting ourselves up for pain and hurt.  But the pain and hurt is created in our own inner world.  A physical hurt is one thing, but the emotional suffering, that we create — that we do to ourselves.  Most people will not want to digest this reality pill.

When we are feeling hurt, because of the thoughts and feelings we have created in our own mind, then we start to look for someone or something to place our pain, our open wound and suffering upon.  We are wanting relief and so we displace our pain and hurt by putting it onto other people.  Instead of placing it firmly in our own mind, where it begins.  We can free ourselves by checking the self, then we can see that here we need to change something in our thinking.  But instead we become lost in the emotions of hurt, then we draw on that deep reserve of pain and hurt from all those old wounds of the past.

It is within our own stage of consciousness that we need to make those necessary tweaks and changes…

Therefore, we have to admit that it is we who have changed and not them.  It is within our own stage of consciousness that we need to make those necessary tweaks and changes; a reset in our inner balance which somewhere and somehow, we have lost.  It’s time to start to love and respect ourselves.  The vigilance that we need to have is upon our own selves, to keep our ego-mind in check.  We need to be checking ourselves and not others!

When we can act from a place of self-respect, with love, compassion and forgiveness, then we will more easily be able to trust.  Actually the forgiveness is for our own sake more than to do with anyone else.  When we forgive ourselves we can let ourselves off the hook, free ourselves from those wounds and we also free others.

Photo by Jung-Hua Liu:

Even if we used to get some ‘payoff’ from this old pattern of thinking in the past, today these thoughts are no longer serving us.  We have to learn how to let go of all that ‘stuff’ that is disturbing our peace of mind.  Now is the time to embrace love, truth, and forgiveness with a benevolent heart.

As we make the choice to change our mind we will be able to change our destiny and free our self from our old wounds.  Then we will find that those wounds will no longer define us as we stop wounding our own self and stop blaming others.

It’s Time…  to take back the power to control our own mind.



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