Alone, or Lonely?
Are you lonely? Research shows that loneliness is prevalent throughout society. Even if you are married or have a social network of thousands or millions, you are not necessarily spared. You could still feel lonely. Therefore, loneliness is a subjective experience. If you feel lonely, then you are.
According to Wikipedia, a study found that although time spent alone tended to depress a persons’s mood and increase feelings of loneliness, it also helped to improve their cognitive state, such as improving concentration. Furthermore, once the alone time was over, people’s moods tended to increase significantly. Solitude is also associated with other positive growth experiences.
Yet there is a big difference between loneliness and solitude. People who feel lonely are lonely because they want more social interaction or a certain style of interaction that is not presently available, whereas those who are in solitude seek less social interaction, often for the purpose of getting to know themselves better. Therefore, ‘aloneness’ is not necessarily a bad thing, as some would think.
These days it seems that no one wants to leave us alone! TV stations want to entice us with shows and serials that keep us glued to the company of the flashing box! Bollywood and Hollywood rake out tons of movies not only to entertain us, but so that we may live out our secret lives as we watch them. Dating sites convince you that you need to have that perfect relationship for perfect fulfilment. Very few paths advocate being alone and sticking to our own healthy, happy and holy company.
We too like to get distracted by wanting to ‘do’, instead of just allowing ourselves to ‘be’. What might you say at the start of your day – everyday? “What shall I do today?” or “What needs to be accomplished today?” Instead, why not try asking yourself; “What shall I BE today?” We fill our time with lists of things to do, people to meet, obligations to fulfil, and if nothing else, shop til we drop, yet we can never seem to find a moment to be with ourselves, alone. We create whole agendas of things to do, to distract ourselves from plain and simple ‘being’.
I know many people who tell me that they want to be in a relationship. And that is fine, I don’t have anything against that. But there is no way you can enter a relationship feeling lonely and expect the other to fill that void or gap! That is a huge demand to put on the head of the other. The only way to create a successful relationship is to find yourself first. Become a person that you would want to have a relationship with, and from that place you will attract the right mate, friend or companion.
We all want to be better, kinder, more likeable and lovable people, and that starts from the inside. So how do we get to know ourselves?
Do not feel lonely, the
entire Universe is inside you.
Get comfortable with being alone
As you sit with yourself long enough, you will actually learn to like (love) your own company! You will no longer fear the loneliness nor will it have a hold over you. From this healthy place, it’s safe to go and find friends and romance. You will then not be needy, moody, expectant, demanding, complaining and much more. You will be a joy to be around. Furthermore – you want to find someone who is also vibrating at your own frequency. So find a whole person, rather than a half!
So how to do it?
Begin by spending a few hours with yourself from time to time. Make an appointment with yourself and take yourself to the movies or the park or the beach and have some personal time with yourself, just walking, sitting or drinking coffee. Next, take yourself on a trip for a few days. Yes, truly, go by yourself. Stay in the hotel alone! Do the things alone that you would with others! Be courageous rather than self-pitying! You are not alone, because no one wants to be with you! You are alone, because you choose to be! Be proud of your own-time!
Then spend some alone-time in nature, in meditation, in journaling. Alone-time can play an important role in the creative process. Many people have found their artistic expression after periods of seclusion or solitude, either forced or by personal choice. Others receive greater perception, a profoundly deeper sense of self, or even enlightenment!
If you feel lonely, it’s time to review the feeling. It only has as much power as you give it. And if you know that you are or wish to be alone, then turn it into a strength and not a weakness.
By God, when you see your beauty,
you will be the idol of yourself.
It’s time… to face your loneliness. Get a grip over it, before it grips you. Be the master of your every moment and you shall never ever be alone again.
© ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK