Overcoming Jealousy

Posted on January 27, 2013

Someone else gets the dream job you want.  Even after succeeding at getting that employment you realize your colleague is being paid a higher salary than you for the same work!  Your husband is chatting all evening at a party with another woman.  You notice (with dismay!) how your school friend has lost weight and looks stunning.  The ‘Jones’s next door’ have just bought a brand new car!  These are just some of the thoughts that are perfect fodder to ignite the fire of jealousy and envy!  Learning to overcome the green monster of jealousy will not only leave you feeling free of these crippling negative emotions, but also full, fearless and fantastic!

Jealousy can aptly be described as the fear of losing something that is within our grasp such as the object of our love, our position etc.  Its close relative is envy, which refers to wanting something that someone else has.

If this emotion of jealousy is a killer then why do we hold onto it to so tightly?  Cultural psychologists believe that jealousy is an inherent human weakness because we have invested such a sense of security in our relationships and material possessions, that we are afraid of losing them.

Actually the root cause of jealousy is ego, which in this instance takes on a form of insecurity and lack of self-respect.  As soon as we perceive a threat to our possessions, power or position being taken away, the primal instinct to defend and protect kicks in!

Even when there is a justification to the reaction, anger, active or passive, is not an effective or beneficial way to deal with the situation and get what we want.

Ralph Hupka, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, at California State University says, “Jealousy is an anticipatory emotion.  It seeks to prevent loss… jealousy causes us to take precautionary measures”.

It’s interesting that our jealousy is usually confined to those who are our peers and not at people “outside of our league” such as Roger Federer or Celine Dion.  It’s only those that we think we can in some way compete with, who we perceive as a threat.  This is exactly what keeps us ‘small’ and if we stay in this limited mindset then how can we achieve our greater potential?

In essence we become jealous because inside we feel empty and lonely and this is because we do not see our inner beauty and true worth.  I want what ‘they have’ because inside I feel a sense of worthlessness.

So as we ask for our equal rights at work, we need to do so with confidence and not as a beggar.  As we claim our rights to good treatment or respect from others, we do it from a place of knowing that we are worthy.

Jealousy, simply put is a collection of waste thoughts and time that could be put to better use!  Instead of lowering myself, I need to elevate my thoughts.  I can appreciate and applaud others for what they have without feeling that it’s taking anything away from me.

There is a saying in many languages that ‘it is better to die than to ask’ for something.  Jealousy is a form of begging, a lack of contentment, a dissatisfaction.  It is a subtle desire for attention, name, fame, platform, position, power or anything else that we may feel we are lacking.

It’s Time… to accept and believe that whatever is meant to come to you will come to you and nothing and no one can take that away from you!

Share these thoughts! ‘It’s Time…’ is spreading far and wide! Feel free to forward this wisdom, but to avoid any karmic rebound, please acknowledge its source – ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London

 

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