Is Blame Blameless?
Blaming is the fine art of ‘off-loading’ and making others responsible for all the bad things happening to us. However, is blame blameless? Blame does not change anything. Taking responsibility does! We need to come off the couch of blame and take up the reins of responsibility in our own hands and take charge of our life.
If you slip on a newly washed garden pathway who do you blame? Perhaps, you are likely to blame the gardener for doing a ‘bad job’, or the sunshine for not drying away the water fast enough. You might blame the brand of your slippers for not being slip proof! We will blame just about anything and anybody for being careless or impatient, that is except our self.
What is this blame game all about after all? Is it not a great long used and well-worn, if not worn-out, protective device used by the ego to protect itself? Blame is a totally self-serving mechanism to make sure you are always seen to be right and everyone else is seen to be wrong. This is just the perfect picture that the ego wants us to believe is true. The ego keeps telling us that we are right and even perfect, and everyone else is wrong! But of course it is not true at all.
We all have problems with people or situations from time to time. And sometimes other people can add a few ingredients to the mix, but you have to look at what is the consistent element in the drama of our life. Well, you guessed it… Yes, it is you! You are always there… So, perhaps it is something that we need to be dealing with from within our own self. If you are experiencing consistent and similar problems with different people and different situations, then there is a big clue there in the mirror of life. Who is it who is reflected back to us? Who can you see? That is the one to blame!!
If you take a job interview, you are likely to give credit to yourself if you passed. But, if you failed… Oh, then watch out as the blame game starts. At the time of exams and failing…. you may even find yourself blaming the cat for distracting you from revising your notes!
If one misses the bus and blames another person, then the assumption being made and the blame being strategically placed is, that ‘because of you’ I missed the bus. ‘It’s your fault!’ But was it really their fault? Maybe, if I had been more organized with my time and planned things better, then things would have gone the other way. If I look at myself, which of course we do not want to do, but if I did then I would find that I am actually a poor manager of time, maybe I lack discipline, I may even be lazy and probably bored too. And, yes I am likely to be a member of the lastminute.com club!
Blaming is a very toxic behavior,
it is a vice in itself because it
does not allow us to see the truth.
It’s so easy to blame others for what’s happening in our life. When we blame the other we are handing over all our power to that person and taking no responsibility for how we feel. For example, if that person makes you sad and mad, then only that person can make you happy and glad! But, is this true? Do we really believe this to be the case?
As we blame others, it makes us less responsible, this basically means less accountable and therefore less work for me to do! Blame makes our intellect weak, then our capacity to discern and make good choices reduces over time. Blame puts the onus on the other to do all the changing or fixing. Which is not healthy, because it is again the case of handing over the remote to some third party, which is a totally unwise thing to do.
Blaming situations and circumstances is one thing, but blaming people is a whole different ball game! If we blame situations we may only be called complainers and whiners, but if we blame people we will lose the game of life which means the relationships and everything that goes with them. There is a saying that states: If you blame others you may one day find yourself alone.
Since blame is the need to enhance one’s self esteem, or should we say ego. In the case of blame, the ego does not see the need to change which is why the ego forces the other to take the responsibility to change. It goes to prove that one doesn’t have a strong sense of self-esteem and that ego has probably taken up the driving seat!
If we did the necessary inner spiritual work, we would not need to blame anyone. We would take full responsibility for every single detail that is going on in our life, because we have realized we are the master creators of our life. Nothing can happen without my consent, whether subtle or physical. I know that I can be in charge of my life, and I can refuse to hand over the remote of my life to anyone. Or, do I sometimes forget? Old habits die hard they say.
Blaming is a very toxic behavior, it is a vice in itself because it does not allow us to see the truth. We remain stuck in the illusion that others are responsible for bringing me happiness, peace or success in all areas of my life and on all levels. If we are waiting for other people to fix our life and make us happy then we will be waiting forever.
Taking responsibility means to turn the mirror onto the self, not to point the mirror at others and ask them to look at their actions. If things are not working out in my life, I need to ask myself: What could I be doing differently or better? Taking responsibility means to be the first to change. The ego wants to use blame as a cop out, and the ego wants to control everything and everyone. But the enlightened responsible soul only wants to change the self, because the soul has realized that we cannot change anything outside of our own self.
Each one of us is on a personal journey…
no one can fix and sort out our own karmic stuff…
It is good to be there and help to support other souls, but we have to remember that each one of us is on a personal journey. What this means is that no-one can fix us and sort out our own karmic stuff, our personality habits, patterns of thinking and beliefs. For each one of us it is a personal inner journey, and each one of us has to do our own homework to pass our own examinations in life.
It’s time… to wake up to being self-responsible and to stop pointing the finger at others. It is time to kick the habit of playing the blame game because when we play this game there are no winners, only losers.
© ‘It’s Time…’ by Aruna Ladva, BK Publications London, UK